You have just said something wrong。 The other person is looking at you with a red angry face, but the issue is not about what you‘ve said, it’s about what they‘ve heard。
你说错话了,对方正怒火中烧的看着你,往往这类问题的关键不是在于你说了什么,而是他们听到的东西。
There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas, killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends, family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it。
Here are 6 things you should never say to someone:
下面这六句话你千万不要对别人说:
1。 “I don‘t care”
“我无所谓”
What they hear: “Leave me alone。 I have better things to do than listen to you。”
他们听到的是:“别管我,我懒得听你们说,我有更好的事情去做。”
Explain why you would love to hear about that subject, and why “right now” is not the best time for you。 Everybody matters。 Not caring about someone is denying their existence: If people matter for you, you will matter for them。
What they hear: “You don‘t have what it takes to do it, no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try?”
他们听到的是:“无论你多努力,都没有能力做到,那干嘛还要去尝试呢?”
Why would you set someone up for failure? I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions, and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves, but I would like to ask you: how can you judge what is good for somebody? And what if failure was the best path for growth? Encourage people who have chosen a challenging path。
What they hear: “It‘s easy for most people。 If you have trouble doing it, there is probably something wrong about you”
他们听到的是:“这对大部分人来说都很简单,如果你觉得难,那就是你有问题了。”
The level of difficulty is perceived differently by everyone, and everyone has their own Everest。 If you‘re telling somebody that their job is easy, then you’re undermining their contribution to society and you’re telling them they don’t deserve the salary they have。
If someone is struggling and coming for help, then they have trust you enough to show you their weakness。 Don‘t rub their face in it by saying “This should be easy”。
Acknowledge the challenges that people encounter and value their commitment to overcome them。
了解人们面对的挑战,根据他们的能力帮助他们去克服。
5。 “I told you so”
“我早就告诉过你了”
What they hear: “You did not listen to me。 That‘s all your fault。 I’m so much better than you。”
他们听到的是:“你不听我的,都是你的错,我比你优秀多了。”
This one is a common no-no。 It‘s useless to shoot a dead horse, especially when other person needs your help more than ever。 Don’t keep tabs on who‘s right and who’s wrong。 If it were a competition, the one keeping tabs would be the one losing。
Help the other person, and don‘t add insult to injury。
帮助别人,不要再在别人的伤口上撒盐。
6。 “As I just said before…”
“就像我之前说过的”
What they hear: “You don‘t listen to me。 You’re making me repeat myself。 You‘re so annoying and dumb。”
他们听到的是:“你不听我的,你让我重复说,多烦人多笨啊。”
This is a very sneaky conversation killer。 If someone asks you a question and you point out that you‘ve already answered it, then you’re killing their willingness to learn, or even to have a slight interest in what you say。